I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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