So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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