just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
