he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i now understand why vodka
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
