Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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