Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
