i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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