Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
