Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
