Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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