I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
