R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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