I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
