Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
