i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
