He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
