I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
