I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
