so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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