so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
