Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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