Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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