I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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