are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
