it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize