so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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