Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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