This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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