He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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