I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
