While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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