Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
