So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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