I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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