his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
