question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize