Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
