Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
