He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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