I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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