life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
