You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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