forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
