Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
