I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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