She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize