I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
