please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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