Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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