I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
