Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
