It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
