yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
