if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
