just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
