As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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