apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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