I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
