If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
