i just had sex bonerless
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
