I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
