Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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