I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
