Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
