the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
