i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
