I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
love makes seman taste better
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
