some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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