Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Are we still banned from the library?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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