Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
