would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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