Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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