I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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