oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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