dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
