yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
MIDGETS
????
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize