sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
