Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
