Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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