I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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