After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
