He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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