I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
