i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
