I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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