There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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