this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
