he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
