i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A bitchslap is in order.
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