i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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