Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
