Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
