Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
