11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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