There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
