The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
