he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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