I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
