She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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