I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
