she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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