we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
