Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
