i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
