She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
