I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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