We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize