Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
