You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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